xinyu :)

2010-09-21T21:36:00.002+08:00

almost one month since i last blogged
many thoughts have been going through my mind

u-turn.
its halfway through my prelims
and i know my results is gonna be almost Us again.
i have no idea what i am still doing now.
to study or not to?
i don't think i have not studied hard or worked hard
but its not showing
and i dunno how to prove to others anymore.
i have no more energy no more faith no more hope.
what should i do?
but i really dun like the feeling of U-turning.
and the main reason why others can but i can't

time.
i asked if i can join you all for lunch
straight reply: huh? we finishing le ye.
next reply: yea loh.
i seriously dunno wad to say when i hear this.
a friendship worth 15 mins?
:(

home.
umbrellas thrown away.
did everything that we could.
please go away and stop worrying us here.
its all so messed up already
please please please go away.

may things changed and hope recovered.

2010-08-07T23:21:00.002+08:00

its a loong loong loong weekend.
:)
i can do a lot of things!
its a time ...
like i know finally i can find gary to watch movie
complain and nag to him like endlessly
tell him everything that happen in sch
wahaha. the bestest friend that i could say everything!

a time for me to watch ABIT of videos.
abit i hope

a time i can catch up my work, i hope
to try hard to mug further further further.

but its also a time i am sad.
i dunno who to look for to go out
i really want to watch fireworks
sing national day song out loud
really really really really

will anyone be willing to say yes?

lets pray hard.

2010-08-05T00:15:00.002+08:00

its potato-ing day.

hehe. one of the happiest day in a week.

lousy girl; i cried today
though i said i will not cry so easily again
haiz.
lousy lousy
but i really need put in more effort le.
results are not showing again.

hehe. my mind should stop being with them
change change change.

2010-07-18T22:41:00.003+08:00

SACHOOM :)

hehe. i really really enjoyed it to the max.
this guy above is the one i liked most :)
though he was not the one who pulled me up on stage.
sudden source of happpiness.
thinking of it will make me smile randomly. gehehe :)

i'm so involved into the show We Got Married.
life is so sweet for these celebrities who is around my age.
haha but i am all alone :(
luckily there are friends. haiz

hehe. bestie pocky bought satay to my house.
a while since we talked and his hair is now so paul 2hill.
lol.

smiling smiling smiling
i think i look like a retard.
lol.

xinyu

2010-07-11T12:07:00.002+08:00

thoughts

worried about my mid years.
jokwon is really sweet.
birthday card on the way.
loneliness.
thinking hard.

i will not say i did not study for mid year
but i dare proudly say i did study hard.
though i knew the results will be lousy again
i dunno if i should lose hope with myself?
i dread having to meet teachers
cause i know i will cry and they will wan me u turn.

jokwon. he resembles someone.
and made me wondered if there are possibilities.
though it might be a wishful thinking again,
i hope i can be GAIN in some extent
and find someone who can made me happy and laugh.
will there ever be a chance?

wenxin and kaiying's bday card.
sometimes i wonder am i too involved into others' feeling
no one seems to care alot and i put in a lot of effort
but birthday its once in a lifetime
or i mean i can only celebrate with them that few times
so should not we put in more effort?
i dunno but mummy is scolding me stupid
makes me more upset. :(

sometimes i think my life is lousy but sometimes its good
i cannnot differentiate
just like maths
so irritating.
but i dunno who to ask when i want go out
cause i scare being rejected
and i like being asked though its not often.
haiz. i think i should end with this.
haiz

<3 yu

2010-06-13T23:15:00.002+08:00

happy birthday!

hello, do you blame me for spending so little time for yr b'day?
i blamed myself lei
sorry sorry sorry sorry
i will replace it with all my weekends available ok?

hope you like the card and present that i spend alot of time making
i always wonder how people will do with my gift
is my effort worth it?
do they really like it?
but thinking this will make me upset bcos i always think the wrond side
so if i ever give you a gift you must take care of it well ok?
please, i don't do it for everyone.
only people i think are worthy :)

spending too much time on scrapbooking and surprises
2 more weeks to mid year and i must buck up from tmr
jiayou jiayou jiayou and i hope i can really do well
ask me to study whenever you all see me k?

hope to update soon ...
xinyu

2010-05-20T23:54:00.002+08:00

stepping down

in a few more minutes,
i'll no longer be a councillor of the NYJC
but a 32nd student councillor in my heart.
i did not cry today as i knew i will not.
its not because i dun have e attachment
but it just seems that something is missing.
i saw people takig photos with juniors n seniors,
but i dunno who to take photo with...
seriously.
even the 32nd i dunno who should i take photo with
i dunno who to ask
at that instant moment i was quite lost,
everything seems to become zero, blank i mean?
it's weird and i dun like the feeling.
but i dunno what to do.

am i asking for too much?
however i'm still proud being a 32nd student councillor!
the friendship i built hope will never end.

once a councillor, always a councillor.

2010-05-16T21:50:00.002+08:00

spamming.

my mind is filled with a lot a lot of different thoughts right now.
i always think that others life is better than me
(though it seemed true)
and i always complain.
i always feel that god is unfair
i have too many challenes to face in my life
and i dislike it.
why can it be like a river, free flow.

mummy say i always like to compare,
yea indeed.
but thats the only way for me to relief my stress/anger.

FOUR more days and i'm stepping down.
but i'm not doing my last job well
cause i did not set my priority right i guess.

lousy xinyu lousy really lousy.

2010-05-09T23:07:00.002+08:00

DREAM ended.

i thought you were the special one
a real special one that caught my attention
i thought faith will make me believe
but your action spoilt everything
i will no longer admire you
no longer.

disappointment is currently my feeling
i dunno how else to express it
i dun see the reason why u have to do this
really.

bye as a friend.

<3 yu

2010-05-07T23:14:00.003+08:00

faith make me believe

despite knowing the answer
i wanted to continue
hoping that little surprises will come along
though the process of waiting and hoping
make me tired upset and not motivated
it has its happy meaningful side
which make me continue to wait for you

maybe you never notice
but i just wish for a smile from you everyday
you will never know how much difference
it will make.
a lot to me.

an cute day today,
hope it often happen.

xinyu

2010-05-05T22:06:00.002+08:00

Duty make us do thing well,
love make us do thing beautifully.

quote written by adrian and i super LIKE it.
we will often try to do things as the way it should be
and not how we want it to be.
indeed, its difficult for us to change as we should follow
but i believe the love within us will make us do something
special in some way :)

i would very like to do some special thing
but i will often think alot
this is sth i dun like abt myself
tinking too much when i should not
mummy say i should change
but i dunno how?
how? :(

the how question,
one which i dunno how to ans.

sticky sticky sticky,
you made me wonder how too.

<3 yu

2010-05-04T22:54:00.002+08:00

waiting aimlessly

its almost going to be 12 and you have not send me your script
so how am i going to do?
i'm sick of asking
forget it
let things flow itself ba
tiring day.

to my dearest dance partner(if u still rmb)
though we did not talk before
i knew you fought hard
may you enjoy yrself in your new world
i will remember you
and hope u do too.

<3 yu

2010-05-03T10:49:00.002+08:00

fresh new start

dunno why but suddenly feel like blogging.

maybe its something better than fb.

went with mummy for the karaoke marathon ytd.

she told me there will be food so i went

but i waited for 2 hours listening to karaoke by my ah mas'
there was still no food.

so i left.

just outside cc, an ah ma shouted: girl ah, deng lai!

me: i turned my head and i saw her holding a foodpack

on her hand.

haha, there was food.
though both of my real ah ma n ah gong had nv doted on me,

i'm glad i still had all these other ah ma and ah gong!

they always do cute stuff and made me laugh like mad.

weekends are FLYING away real fast
and i have not really done anything.

i wanted a random surprise for you ytd

but i feel weird so i gave up in the end.

is that a wrong choice? i dunno.

extremely bored

extremely extremely.

<3 yu